Hidden Emotions
by Carmen Dehn
Summary: AU Kagura and Sesshoumaru have always been outcasts, but when Kagura transfers schools they meet, and a friendship is forged. Will love bloom? Or will the darkness in their lives draw them apart?
1. Chapter 1

**AN: This is an Alternate Universe fiction. The Inuyasha characters (if I choose to put them in) are in America. I know virtually nothing about Japan, so I'm not going to embarrass myself by saying something wrong. I will not be using Japanese terms, either, since they will be in America. Sorry for all of you Japan fans… I love it, too, but I'm lazy and don't want to research anything. The pairing in this fiction is going to be Kagura and Sesshoumaru.**

**For all of you who read the original version of this, the last names have been changed, and the scenes are going to be different. I'd love to keep it as it was, but with the short length and horribly small amount of description, the last version wasn't up to my standards. I am sorry to those of you who liked it before.**

Epilogue- Wednesday, September 1

Sunset High- 6:55 AM

I watched her come into our second year of high school on the first day looking like she was lost... not lost as in location, but as if she had lost part of her soul to sadness. I couldn't recognize her, so I assumed she was new to Sunset High. I was tempted to go over and see if she was alright, or if she needed some help with something, but my mind warned me not to. And for that moment, I didn't.

She looked around with a slight frown on her face, seemingly searching for a friendly face. From the looks of it, she wasn't having much luck. I inwardly cringed, knowing how cruel everyone was to people like us; the outsiders. Amazing, isn't it? I hadn't even been looking at her for more than a minute, and I could already tell she was an outsider. She was like me; she didn't belong in a place like this.

A few minutes later the bell rang and everyone was walking down the hall to the auditorium where the welcoming speech would be held. Before we even walked twenty feet, she tripped and fell, knocking over some show-offs girlfriend. He gave her a cold look and told her to stay away from them, threatening that he would make her sorry otherwise. It made me sick how seriously he took the mistake. As if she had done it on purpose.

She remained silent and kept walking, her gaze cast towards the floor. I picked up my stride slightly so that I was walking next to her. She seemed to notice because she looked up at me, an unvoiced question in her eyes. I looked over to her, my hazel eyes meeting her brown ones.

I took in her appearance. She had black hair with what looked like natural dark brown highlights. The hair went down to the middle of her back, and was slightly wavy. She had a nice figure, which I had failed to notice before. I observed her further. She was wearing a red halter top with a white star over the area of her heart, and a pair of forest green baggy pants that were secured about an inch below her waist with a white belt. A silver chain hung loosely from the belt. It suited her, in a way.

Her clothes were unlike my own, a pair of jeans that settled below my waist and hips and a loose short-sleeved black shirt. My designer glasses sat on the bridge of my nose, the rectangular frames making me look more classy and professional than like a bookworm. My long, straight platinum blonde hair fell down to my waist, looking perfect as if I spent hours on it. Many girls who did not know me often thought I was handsome. I had been admired by a great many girls in middle school; though they had stayed away because of our different ranks on the social ladder (I was lower than them).

I looked at her solemn face and gave her a small smile, which I let linger for a couple of seconds before settling back into my emotionless mask.

"This school... isn't very friendly." I got right to the point, as usual.

"So I've noticed," she said bitterly, "And I thought I might actually fit in here. I guess I was wrong." Her words sounded more sorrowful by the end of the sentence, and I found myself feeling something resembling pity for the girl. Unusual as it was for me to feel anything, I didn't think too much of it.

She looked as though she had been through this many times before, the rejection. It seemed as though she had given up, in a way. She just let it slide by without a fight, as though she carried a heavy burden on her shoulders that she didn't want to add to. I could tell that her thoughts were taking a toll on her.

I silently calculated that it would take about three minutes to get to the auditorium from where we were if the traffic in the hallway kept moving this slowly. We had some time to talk, which wasn't really a good thing, but wasn't bad either. I decided it was closer to good than bad.

She looked at me, and I looked back at her, silently urging her to say whatever she may be holding back.

"I wonder..." Her voice trailed off and I was left to search my mind for a reasonable answer to what she might have said next. I could come up with nothing.

"You wonder," I urged. My voice was still emotionless, but if you had been paying attention to the conversation, you would know I was trying to get an answer out of her. I was curious, after all.

"Never mind..."

We reached the auditorium and I walked into the middle, taking a seat as far to the right as possible. She followed. I had no complaints, so I let her stay. It seemed as though she felt uneasy to go anywhere else.

The speech went by rather uneventfully. The principal made a long speech on how she expected everyone to follow the student manual, how she was delighted to welcome back those who came to school here last year and then smiled and wished the newcomers luck. Then the other teachers made their appearance, and made very short (less than two minutes long) speeches about what they did there and read off a list of who was in their homerooms.

I paid attention closely during that part, storing away the information silently. If I were to ever need to know where to find one of these students (as doubtful as it was I would), I would know where to go to find them, as the lockers we were assigned to were always near our homeroom.

Finally I heard my name. (I was in Ms. Steven's class.) I mentally sighed. I was in her homeroom last year, too. She was an old woman with much, much patience, but she tended to speak in riddles. More often than not, you walked out of her class with a headache.

After the speeches, I turned to the girl.

"What is your name?" My voice sounded calm and cool, but my eyes showed a hint of curiosity.

"My name is Kagura Johnson. And you?"

"Sesshoumaru Honda."

We stood and started to follow the rest of the students out of the auditorium. When the line slowed down a bit I realized that we were in the same homeroom so we'd be seeing each other between classes a lot.

As we approached our homeroom, I heard her sigh with a slightly shaky breath, and I turned to look at her. Even though her head was turned downward, and her bangs shaded her eyes, I could tell that her eyes were glassy. Slowly, as if unsure, I put my hand on her shoulder. When she looked up at me, a tear fell down her cheek. My hand reached up of its own accord and wiped it away.

She smiled slightly and spoke in a whisper so soft I had to strain my ears to hear it.

"I wish... I had somewhere I could belong."

I felt slightly annoyed that she should be acting so dramatic, but I could also tell that she didn't mean to sound so much like she was speaking out of a script. I looked at her, signaling her to follow, and we went into the room. The class turned to us (we had made it in at the very last minute), and the teacher told us to take a seat.

The only seats left were two in the back, and we sat there. Halfway through our first lesson, my mind wandered to what she had said about wanting somewhere to belong, and a strange thought occurred to me. Turning to face her slightly, I leaned over slightly and whispered in her ear.

"If you wish, you could belong here."

She turned to face me suddenly, startled. Her eyes narrowed slightly, and she met my gaze, searching for a sign of lying. When she seemed satisfied that I had meant it, she smiled slightly.

Then she said, in a barely audible whisper, "Thank you." And I saw tears form in her eyes a second time. She turned back to the teacher then, and I did the same.

I wondered to myself why I had trusted her so much. Why had I trusted her enough to allow myself to show emotion? Later, I would come to realize that it was because, in a way, she reminded me of myself. She had been rejected by society, and she was alone.

As that thought struck me, I corrected myself. She had been alone, but no longer. For now, neither one of us was alone. It was with that knowledge that I allowed myself to relax for the rest of the day.

**AN: Please review! The more reviews I get, the sooner the new chapters will come!**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: I apologize, in advance for the shortness of chapters in this fanfic. I'm not very good at writing long chapters, so I'll just try to update often. I hope that's alright! It is summer, after all, and I'll be able to write a lot (I hope).**

Friday, September 17th

Honda Residence- 6:23 PM

Sesshoumaru sat at the edge of his bed, thinking over what had happened earlier that day at school. His thoughts were blurred together, making it difficult to decide what was real and what was his imagination toying with him. When his uncooperative mind finally made sense of his thoughts, the same scene played over and over, like a movie against his closed eyelids.

_-Flashback-_

_He had been leaning against a wall of the main entrance of the school in the morning, waiting for Kagura to arrive, though he hadn't been paying attention much, and had allowed his mind to wander. Soon enough, of course, a voice caught his attention._

_"Sesshoumaru...?"_

_He turned his head to the left to see her standing there, looking at him. "Yes, Kagura?"_

_She smiled and shook her head, acting like the Kagura he had begun to see blossom by the end of the first week, the happier Kagura. He looked her over once. She was wearing a green and white striped shirt with dark red pants, along with some shimmering red-tinted lip gloss and black eye makeup. She grinned. _

_"I just wanted to make sure that you weren't a statue. That's all." _

_He felt a grin start to tug up at the side of his mouth as well and pushed it down back into his emotionless mask. He could feel that something was not right, despite her attempts to fool him. Something in her voice was off. "Kagura, what's wrong?" He looked at her for a moment, seeing her eyes widen slightly._

_"N-nothing!" she stuttered. "I'm just trying to be friendly!"_

_"Kagura," he started. "Answer truthfully. You know I can see right through you."_

_Kagura took a deep breath, her eyes moving to rest away from Sesshoumaru's piercing gaze. She looked at him, then, as if she were unsure._

_"Alright... just promise me that you won't tell anyone," she said hesitantly. "Or be angry," she added quickly. _

_He looked at her for a moment, wondering what surprise she was about to throw his way. Finally, he gave in. "I promise you."_

_She didn't want to show him. She really, really didn't. But he could tell something was wrong; she had no choice. She sighed, carefully lifting the sleeve of her red and green striped shirt to her shoulder, revealing several bruises. She did the same on her other arm. The bruises were fresh._

_He could feel his eyes narrow slightly, and he could also tell that he was very, very angry._

_"Who did this to you?"_

_"M-my father... he was drunk last night. I promise, it doesn't happen too often..."_

_Sesshoumaru took her right hand and held it lightly held it in his left, running his other hand lightly across her arm. He saw her eyes close in pain and her arm stiffen. He withdrew his hand._

_"Roll down your sleeves. We do not want rumors to spread about this, or keeping your secret will be impossible."_

_The rest of the day after that had been hell for Sesshoumaru, and probably Kagura as well. He couldn't get the image of her bruised arms out of his mind. For the rest of the day, he didn't leave her side unless necessary. He was by her side in between classes, and he sat by her in all of the classes that they had together. The only time he had finally left her on her own was after the final bell had rung, and even then he watched as she walked down the street. It wasn't until she was out of view that he set off for his own home in the opposite direction._

_-End Flashback-_

Sesshoumaru thought about all of the things he had wanted to shout at her at the time she had shown him. He thought of all of the cruel words he had wanted to say about her father. All of the things that he didn't say for the sake of her being the happiest she could be at the time. He _was_ becoming softer.

Little did he know that she was lying on her bed at this very moment, thinking about the same thing. She was thinking about how bad she felt about having to make Sesshoumaru carry the burden of being her friend. How he probably despised her now, like everyone else had without reason. Only he had a reason to hate her now.

He was so confused! Why was she having so much affect on him! Why couldn't he get his mind to stop replaying that scene in his head! A whole week had passed, but the damned image would haunt him nearly every waking minute... why?

The phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Umm... hello... this is Kagura. Is Sesshoumaru there?"

"Hello Kagura. It's me."

"Oh. Hello Sesshoumaru."

"What did you want?"

"I... don't know. But... could you meet me by the back entrance of the school on Monday, instead of the main entrance?"

"Alright, I'll see you there."

"Thank you. Goodbye."

"Goodbye."

Sesshoumaru sighed quietly. He wondered what Kagura needed to tell or show him that was so important not to be heard or seen. '_I'll just have to wait until Monday,'_ he thought.

**AN: Once again, I'm sorry for such a short chapter. But please, review for me! Even flames are welcome.**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Third chapter...**

Monday, September 20

Sunset High- 6:20 AM

Kagura slowly walked to the back entrance, wondering if he had remembered her request to meet her there today. Sure enough when she looked by the doors she was relieved to find him there waiting.

"Kagura," He started in a nonchalant voice, "What was it that was so important not to be seen or heard?"

It was then that he noticed her eyes were red, cheeks slightly puffy. She had been crying. Concern quickly spread over his features, and the first thing he thought of was the first thing he said.

"Does," he paused for a half-second, "this have to do with your father?"

Kagura looked at him sadly, her face stained with tears from crying. "Sesshoumaru, my father is dead. He... he died two nights ago, in a drunk driving accident."

Sesshoumaru nearly gasped. Nearly. Instead he looked at her with his eyebrows slightly raised. She was slowly walking towards him now, her head turned down. When she got to him, she collapsed, nearly fainting. He caught her and held her in his arms. She obviously hadn't gotten much sleep over the weekend.

He held her to himself for quite a while, though he was not worried. They had about half an hour before the first bell would ring. It was about three minutes before anything else happened.

What came next was like a blur, though it happened in timing near slow motion. Kagura looked up at him, obvious tiredness in her eyes. She looked so weak; so... helpless. He couldn't stand it. He slapped her. Not hard, but enough to get her to come to her senses.

Then, in a split second all of the tiredness and helplessness, the weak and hurt looks in her eyes and apparent on her face vanished. What appeared next on her features was what he had hoped she would feel: Anger, rage. She was furious. That was what he knew she should be like. Not that pathetic, lost, coward that she had become in a matter of days after gaining her happiness back.

He knew, immediately, that he had hit the right nerve. She was done feeling sorry for herself. She was through with seeking pity, through with being helpless. And he was glad.

She yelled at him, screamed at him. Saying that she had thought he was her friend. She thought he cared. She said that she would have expected him to be kind, to help her through this. He took a step towards her and she stood there, looking up at him unafraid. She had changed a great deal in a matter of seconds.

'Good,' he thought. 'Now I can get through to her. I can make her see what she's been doing to herself.' He took another step towards her; they were now only a foot apart. One more step and fear would seep into her eyes again, but he had to take that chance. He took another step and placed his hands on her shoulders. She looked almost petrified.

'He's going to hit me again!' her mind screamed. But she could not manage enough strength in her legs to move back or run. She just stood there in obvious fear. He raised his hand. She closed her eyes tightly and waited for the blow, but it never came. Instead, she was aware of a hand gently cupping her chin and her face being tilted upward. She opened her eyes slightly and was amazed at what she saw.

Sesshoumaru was looking at her in a peculiar way. His face was stoic and emotionless, but his eyes... his eyes were different. They had an emotion she could not decipher in them. Was it... anger? No... hurt? That seemed most fitting. He looked hurt, but... why?

Sesshoumaru looked at her calmly. She seemed uneasy. She was looking at his eyes... what did she see there? "Kagura... you were afraid. Why?"

"Because..." She faltered for a reason. "Because... I thought you were going to hit me again." She settled on, her voice wavering slightly. Why couldn't she seem to be completely calm around him?

Sesshoumaru chuckled. Kagura's eyes widened at this. 'Did he... just... laugh?'

Sesshoumaru smiled softly, surprising even himself. This conversation was not going as planned at all. But he wanted, no matter how odd it sounded for him, for her to be happy. And she looked more relaxed at his smile. He wasn't sure exactly why he was behaving this way. It was like he had no control; something very, very different for him.

"Sesshoumaru..." She started. "W-Why are you acting like this?" She asked, feeling still a bit uneasy at the way he was behaving. She looked at his eyes again and they told her that even he didn't know.

His smile quickly vanished, being replaced with his stoic mask and he leaned down, his lips pressing to hers for a brief moment. As soon as her brain registered what was happening, he had walked away; leaving her slightly... disappointed?

Had he... just kissed her?

"Yes..." She thought to herself. "Yes, he did."

She suddenly realized what she had been doing. She had been pushing him away, thinking of only herself. She had been too blind to see what he had felt... and what she had felt. But now...

She finally understood.

He had been trying to help her all along; trying to save her from herself. Even since that first day of school, he had known exactly what to say to make her feel better. Even on the days she arrived at the school entrance with new bruises on her arms or stomach. He had been there for her, and aside from that first day, she had never even shown any gratitude...

She suddenly felt alone, and tears fell down her face for the second time that day. But this time, they fell for a completely different reason.

Kagura did not show up for class that day.

**AN: Hmm... maybe this is moving too fast? Please, please, please review! The more reviews I get, the sooner I can update...**

**Side note: I know no one reads this fanfic anyway, but I still like to ask for reviews!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Authors Note: Hello! Well, here's the fourth chapter!** **Enjoy!**

Tuesday, September 21

Honda Residence- 3:28 AM

He walked through darkness, chasing after a wandering light. He was so close to it now.

"NO!" He shouted as the light once again wandered far out of reach. He was running now, his breathing heavy. His side hurt.

Would he ever get there?

Dark memories played all around him, put there by invisible projectors. He looked straight ahead, determined not to let the memories he had tried so hard to forget, the depression that had almost taken over, get the better of him. He had something to live for, even if it was just chasing after this light, in hopes of finally reaching his happiness.

He ran even faster now, the pain in his side forgotten. The light was almost within grasp! Finally the light stopped moving. It molded into a house. He was right in front of the door... he opened it, and moved inside. Following a silver pathway made of the odd light, he stopped when he came to a solid glass wall and peered inside. The darkness behind him molded into a world of his dreams; the grass was a wonderful shade of green, and lilac blossoms bloomed on the trees. The sun was high in the sky, and there were a few puffy white clouds around it. He ignored all this and backed away from what he saw on the other side of the wall.

Dark clouds suddenly took over the sky, rain pouring down, obstructing his vision. Voices, inhuman, high-pitched, sorrowful voices called out his name, but he ignored all of them. The only thing he could think about was the figure trapped inside of the glass.

"Kagura," he whispered, "I'm so sorry..." He let the sentence trail off as he ran far, far away from the darkness; ran away from the rain that was threatening to drown him.

He felt anger tearing at his heart; anger at himself for not going back and helping her. Tears were at the corner of his eyes, but he refused to let them fall. It was his fault she was going through this torture. His fault she was not here, with him, happy... but if he would have tried to save her, would she have let him?

He wanted to stop thinking of all of this. He hated being this way! He hated being so unsure of what she felt for him! In only a few weeks he had allowed the emotions he had kept on the surface for so long rush out, and he had felt free.

In only a few weeks he had fallen in love with the one girl he would never be able to have. The tears fell freely now, as he continued to run away from the horrible scene. He closed his eyes tightly, and opened them wide...

Sesshoumaru shot up, wide awake. He brought a hand up to his face and then back down again. It was wet. He was crying. No matter how much he knew he never would be able to, he wanted to go back to that peaceful world, without such pain lingering at the edge...

He lay back in bed, letting sleep claim him. The nightmare didn't come back, but instead he stayed in the peaceful world he had dreamed of in his youth.

Hours later, He woke up with a sigh, and got ready for the day ahead. He longed for the happiness that was always just out of reach. He knew what reality would bring crashing down on him today... he knew the sadness that would overwhelm him until the end of the day, when he was peacefully back in his home, dreaming of that wonderful world, where nothing was wrong.

Sesshoumaru had never been afraid to live in the 'real world'. He had never been one to shrink back from people and live in fear. He had never been called a coward in his life.

The only thing that people seemed to notice was that he was unaware of what was going on outside of his mind. Not that he didn't know what people were talking about all of the time, when they mentioned anything news-related, but just that he always seemed to live in his own world when there were people who tried to make it hard for him. People accused him of being emotionless... if only they knew how wrong they were.

These nightmares seemed to haunt him every night. Even in his consciousness, he could not escape them. So he retreated to his peaceful sanctuary in his mind. The place where he was never unhappy. The place where such things could not plague him. The place where he was at peace.

Some could say that he was cold. Most said that he didn't care. But he did care. He wasn't afraid of the world, most definitely not. He welcomed the world. But he was afraid of silence. And so despite his own silence, he surrounded himself with people.

Kagura had not shown up for classes yesterday, and though he would never say so to anyone aside from her, he was worried. He hoped desperately he had not made a mistake, been too foreword... but he also felt as though he had been part of her suffering, that he had ignored her feelings too often, thinking only of himself.

But now was not the time to be worrying; he had to be to school in forty-five minutes.

Sesshoumaru sighed and slowly got out of bed. After taking a short shower, he got dressed in loose khaki slacks that hung around his hips along with an extra long gray tee shirt. He put on his tennis shoes and his waist-length black leather jacket. Tying his long hair into a ponytail at the base of his neck, he set out for school, hoping that today would turn out nicely...

He wondered if Kagura would show up today, if today they would be able to talk about what happened. He hoped that things would not be awkward around them. But somehow, he also thought that there was no chance his hopes would be answered. Even so, a small light shone in his eyes.

**AN: I won't have internet access for a while, so this is going to be the last chapter you get for... however long it takes to re-connect to the internet! Yeah, so please review! I would really appreciate it!**


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